Agape Love in Your Marriage
Jesus replied: “love the lord your god with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. ” this is the first and greatest
commandment. And the second is like it: “love your neighbor as yourself.”. - Matthew 22:37-39
Agape Love Will Last
Agape love manifests itself through several characteristics. First, it is an unconditional love. It is not based upon your spouse’s performance, but upon your need to share this act of love with your spouse.
If you don’t, your spouse may live with the fear that you will limit your love if he or she does not meet your expectations.
Agape love is given in spite of how the other person behaves. It is a gift, rather than something that is earned.
You are not obligated to love. This form of real love is an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person. It will require more of you than you ever realized; but that’s what marriage is all about.
Agape love is also a transparent love. It is strong enough to allow your partner to get close to you and inside you. Transparency involves honesty, truth and sharing positive and negative feelings.
Agape love must be at the heart of a marriage. It is a self-giving love that keeps on going even when the other person is unlovable. This love will keep the other kinds of love alive.
It involves being kind and sympathetic, thoughtful and sensitive to the needs of your loved one, even when you feel he or she doesn’t deserve it.
Think about this:
Love means to commit yourself without guarantee, to give yourself completely in the hope that your love will produce love in the loved person.
Love is an act of faith, and whoever is of little faith is also of little love. The perfect love would be one that gives all and expects nothing.
It would, of course, be willing and delighted to take anything it was offered, the more the better.
But it would ask for nothing. For if one expects nothing and asks nothing, she can never be deceived or disappointed. It is only when love demands that it brings on pain.
Agape Love’s Power
Agape love is a healing force. To demonstrate the power of this love, let’s apply it to a critical area that affects marriage—irritability.
Irritability is a carrier, and it keeps others at a distance if they know it is present within us.
It is the launching pad for attack, lashing out, anger, sharp words, resentment and refusal of others’ offers to love us.
Agape love is unique in that it causes us to seek to meet the needs of a mate rather than demanding that our own needs be reciprocated. Our irritability and frustrations diminish because we are seeking to fulfill another rather than pursuing our own needs and demanding their satisfaction.
H. Norman Wright is a licensed Family Counselor and child therapist and has taught in the Grad. Department of Biola University. He is the author of more than seventy books