The Art of Patience in Marriage

The Art of Patience in Marriage

A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense. - Proverbs 19:11

How will you respond when your partner does any of the following:

• Forgets to write down a phone message or forgets to phone about being 15 minutes late for dinner.

• Doesn’t put down the garage door when leaving for work or doesn’t note written checks in the register.

• Eats more ice cream than you would prefer or spends more time hammering away in the workshop than you would like.

• Talks on the telephone too much or thinks you need more exercise.

• Likes to go shopping, but never calls ahead to see if the store carries the product desired or hates to go shopping and never lends a hand in buying groceries or household items.

This is small stuff that can become big stuff. In every marriage, each day produces many small offenses. You will need to learn to ignore the little offenses to make your marriage work.

The more you attack every small infraction of your self-styled rules and regulations, the less room you will find for love and affection in your marriage. It helps to laugh more and legislate less.

You need to be patient with one another. Humans are odd creatures. Not only are our partners funny ducks at times, but you, too, have many quirks that can grate on the nerves of your partner.

You have many weaknesses your spouse will not see in the early days of your honeymoon. We have many habits that can be taken as insensitivity.

God’s Word offers some more advice, “So don’t criticize each other any more. Try instead to live in such a way that you will never make your brother stumble by letting him see you doing something he thinks is wrong” (Rom. 14:13, TLB).

Wisdom leads to patience—to letting the little offenses go. “A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense” (Prov. 19:11). To grow in your marriage, you will need to grow in maturity and wisdom.

Overlooking an offense is not the work of the spiritually immature. Each day couples have countless conflicts, most of which would never happen if people would let the little ones go. Pride, however, gets in the way.

Pride leads to impatience. Pride is the fruit of folly. Folly is the opposite of wisdom. Some people strut about, puffed up in their self-importance, pushing too hard and telling people off. It is better to be humble and let the little ones go. Don’t sweat the small stuff. It is not worth it.

Notice the opening verse: “It is to his glory to overlook an offense”—the individual’s glory, not God’s glory. This is a rare occasion when glory is ascribed to people.

The principle of overlooking offenses is so important to our Lord that He lets people receive glory when they do so.

This is not the same kind of glory God receives; yet you or your partner can receive a kind of glory by letting the little ones go.

The secret to this principle is always to strive to raise the threshold of what you see as “little.” In other words, constantly try to let bigger and bigger offenses become smaller and smaller.

If your partner’s smallest offense that grates your nerves is not putting down the garage door, try putting it down yourself and letting it go.

Is it really a major problem? If so, perhaps you could approach it differently.