Your Memories and Your Marriage
I am again in the pains of childbirth until
christ is formed in you. - Galatians 4:19
Memories. Life is made of them—some good and some bad. A marriage is made of memories. Some of your memories you create together deliberately; others just seem to happen.
Some will be funny; others will be sad. Some you wish you had more of; whereas others you could do without.
Sometimes the memories you bring with you into the marriage tend to haunt your marriage. They may be hurts you or your partner experienced early in life.
When you come to marriage, some of these wounds are not healed; they are merely covered by scabs. These unhealed emotional wounds tend to erupt when other difficulties in marriage rip off the scabs.
Remember—whatever unresolved issues you bring into your marriage won’t go away. They will be dormant but alive, just waiting for some situation to give them life again.
Often memories from the past interfere with your enjoyment of the present.
The way you remember what happened in the past is important. Often our memories become distorted as time passes.
In one of his sermons, Dr. Lloyd Ogilvie, chaplain of the United States Senate, said, “We mortgage the future based upon what happened in the past.
We have positive memories of the past which we can’t imagine could ever be repeated, and we have negative memories which we know will be repeated.
Often we become the image of what we remember instead of what we envision for the future!”
What about you and your future partner? Do either of you have memories that interfere with your life or could hamper your marriage?
Is the future of your marriage mortgaged on memories from the past? Have you not shared some experiences with your future partner? Something the person will discover?
To overcome a past hurt, you have to lower the walls you have built around the hurt and confront those concerns.
Sometimes the change is immediate, but more often than not healing is a slow process. You can take down the walls of protection because of the presence of Christ in your life.
Change is possible because our faith involves inner transformation, not just outer conformity. That is what the verse for today exemplifies. Your new life in Christ is put on from the inside.
Reflect on the ways God’s presence in your life has already changed your life. For continual growth, give Him access to your painful memories.
A slow process? Yes, but it is worth every bit of the time and energy you will invest. Healing your memories will not only benefit you, but your marriage as well.
H. Norman Wright is a licensed Family Counselor and child therapist and has taught in the Grad. Department of Biola University. He is the author of more than seventy books