Forgiveness in Marriage | Marriage
He Who Covers And Forgives An Offense Seeks love, But He Who Repeats Or Harps On A Matter separates Even Close Friends. - Proverbs 17:9 (Amp.)
After you are married, a day will come when you will need to practice one of the elements of God’s grace to all of us—forgiveness.
I would like to be honest with you: Some days you won’t think your partner deserves your forgiveness. That is all right; it is nothing new. None of us deserve the forgiveness we receive.
Sometimes you may find it hard to forgive the one you are about to marry. You may be concerned that by forgiving your partner you are letting him or her off the hook and that what happened may reoccur.
That is a risk you have to take. After all, the only other option is resentment and revenge.
Do you know about resentment and revenge? The resentful heart operates like a bill-collection agency, making the person pay again and again for what we believe he or she has done.
We often charge so much interest, however, that no matter how earnestly the other person tries to pay the debt, a balance always seems to be held against the person.
Resentment costs both parties; it hurts the offender and the offendee. The greatest damage, however, is done to the relationship.
In marriage, there will always be disappointments, hurts and unmet needs and expectations. After all, you will marry an imperfect person—and, incidentally, so will your partner!
Instead of forgiving a spouse’s failures, the resenting spouse says, “You hurt me! You owe me! You must pay! I will get even with you!” But you can never get even.
Forgiveness hurts. It is rare because it is hard. It will cost you love and pride. Pain is involved. But eventually it will diminish. Forgiveness is also costly because when you forgive, you are saying to your partner, “You don’t have to make up to me for what you did.”
You are actually releasing your partner and reaching out in love instead of relishing resentments. It means not allowing the other person to pay.
When you have truly forgiven your partner, you never have a need to discuss the problem, believe it is going to happen again or dwell on it again!
A mature marriage is a forgiving marriage. Be sure to verbalize the phrases, “Will you forgive me?” as well as, “I forgive you.” You know you have what it takes to forgive one another—anyone who knows Jesus as Savior has been given that power.
You have been loved, accepted and forgiven by God. So the gift given to you is yours to use with other people.
If you wonder whether you have truly forgiven your spouse, just keep this in mind: You have forgiven your partner when in your heart you wish him or her well and are able to ask God’s blessing upon his or her life.
Our greatest example of forgiveness is the cross of Jesus Christ. God chose the Cross as the way of reconciliation.
For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps (1 Pet. 2:21, NASB).
He himself bore our sins . . . on the tree (1 Pet. 2:24, RSV).
We are called to forgive as God has forgiven us.
Be as ready to forgive others as God for Christ’s sake has forgiven you (Eph. 4:32, Phillips).
H. Norman Wright
H. Norman Wright is a licensed Family Counselor and child therapist and has taught in the Grad. Department of Biola University. He is the author of more than seventy books
