The Dimensions of Intimacy

The Dimensions of Intimacy

His voice and speech are exceedingly sweet; yes, he is altogether lovely [the whole of him delights and is precious]. This is my beloved, and this is my friend, o daughters of jerusalem!. - Song of Solomon 5:16 (Amp.)

What comes to mind when the word “intimacy” is mentioned? Sex? That is okay. Many think of it that way. But there is more than one definition of intimacy.

Several elements are involved in creating an intimate relationship. Many relationships have gaps in them for one reason or another. You may be close in two or three areas but distant in others.

If you feel you have a close, intimate relationship, but you’re distant in a couple of them or even one, there is work to be done. Let’s consider the various dimensions . . . because they all relate.

Emotional intimacy is the foundation for relating in a couple’s relationship. There is a “feeling” of closeness when this exists, a mutual feeling of care and support coming from each person.

You share everything in the emotional arena, including your hurts and your joys. You understand each other, and you’re attentive to your partner’s feelings.

Social intimacy involves having friends in common rather than always socializing separately. Having mutual friends to play with, talk with, pray with and give reciprocal support to is reflective of this important dimension.

Sexual intimacy is taken for granted in marriage. Many couples have sex but no sexual intimacy. Performing a physical act is one thing, but communicating about it is another.

Sexual intimacy involves satisfaction with what occurs. But it also means you talk about it, endeavor to meet your partner’s needs, and keep it from being routine. There is an understanding of each other’s unique gender needs, and flexibility in meeting them.

There is even the dimension of intellectual intimacy—the sharing of ideas and the stimulation of each other’s level of knowledge and understanding. You are each different, and you have grown because of what your partner has shared with you.

Recreational intimacy means you share and enjoy the same interests and activities. You just like to play together, and it doesn’t have to be competitive.

You have fun together, and it draws you closer together.
For a couple to have spiritual intimacy they need shared beliefs as to who Jesus is and the basic tenets of the Christian faith.

You may have different beliefs about the second coming of Christ, or whether all the spiritual gifts are for today or not. One of you may enjoy an informal church service while the other likes a high church formal service, or one of you may be charismatic and the other not.

It’s important that your beliefs are important to you. You’ve made them something personal and significant for your life. There can still be spiritual intimacy within this diversity.