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Devotional for Couples

Are You Marrying an Alien?

H. Norman Wright

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Are You Marrying an Alien

How do you learn to adjust to the differences in your partner without losing who you are? How do you learn to appreciate another person’s uniqueness?

Are You Marrying an Alien?

Finally, Brethren, Farewell (rejoice)! Be
strengthened (perfected, Completed, Made What
you Ought To Be); Be Encouraged And Consoled And
comforted; Be Of The Same [agreeable] Mind One
with Another; Live In Peace, And [then] The God Of
love [who Is The Source Of Affection, Goodwill,
love, And Benevolence Toward Men] And The
author And Promoter Of Peace Will Be With You.
2 Corinthians 13:11 (Amp.)

And Let The Peace Of Christ Rule In Your Hearts,
to Which Indeed You Were Called In One Body;
and Be Thankful.
Colossians 3:15 (NASB)

Differences. How do you learn to adjust to the differences in your partner without losing who you are? How do you learn to appreciate another person’s uniqueness?

How can you learn to live with this person who is so, so different from you? As one wife said, “It’s not just that I married an alien from another planet!

Did I join the cast of Star Trek or marry someone left over from the film series Star Wars? Help!”

People ask the question, “Should you marry someone who is your opposite or someone who is similar?”

The answer is yes—yes to both. Some similarities as well as some opposites will be present, and you have to learn to adjust to both.

Think of it like this:
We marry for our similarities. We stay together for our differences. Similarities satiate, differences attract. Differences are rarely the cause of conflict in marriage.

The problems arise from our similarities. Differences are the occasion, similarities are the cause.

The differences may serve as the triggering event, as the issue for debate or the beef for our hassle, but it’s the similarities that create the conflict between us.

The very same differences that initially drew us together, later press us apart and still later may draw us near again.

Differences first attract, then irritate, then frustrate, then illuminate and finally may unite us.

The very same differences that initially drew us together, later press us apart and still later may draw us near again.

Differences first attract, then irritate, then frustrate, then illuminate and finally may unite us.

Those traits that intrigue in courtship, amuse in early marriage begin to chafe in time and infuriate in the conflicts of middle marriage; but maturation begins to change their meaning and the uniqueness of the other person becomes prized, even in the very differences that were primary irritants.

Differences abound in any marriage. Generally, they can be divided into two types. The first includes those that can’t be helped, such as age, race, looks, home, and cultural background.

Your personal body metabolism will affect where you want the temperature in the home, whether you wake up bright and eager, ready to face the day, or whether you need an hour to get both eyes focusing. These differences cannot be changed.

But the other type of difference involves those that can be changed. These can include personal habits in the bathroom or at the dinner table, whether you like to get up early and your spouse enjoys sleeping late, or whether one likes going out three nights a week and the other prefers watching television at home.

I’m amazed at how small learned behaviors, such as having the bed covers tucked in rather than having them loose or eating a TV dinner rather than a four-course dinner on a tablecloth, become such major issues in marriage.

Have you listed your differences and your similarities? If not, this may be a good time to do so. The sooner you understand them, the sooner you can learn to become compatible.

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